Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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