I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
