my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
