when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
