What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
