I'm jealous of your bromance
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
