i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize