dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
