o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize