Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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