Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
