I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
