1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize