Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Can I color on your dick again?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
