Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
