Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
