So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize