You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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