Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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