Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
