you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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