Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
