i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
