I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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