Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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