Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
