There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
