i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
