yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
