Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
