Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
