she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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