She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
