I heard we made out
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
