Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
