i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
