she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my being single is dangerous.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize