Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
