I looked at my own cervix.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My life is pants optional.
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