please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Panties = found
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
