How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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