so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
