What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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