You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
