if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
