It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
