New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize