Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
