We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize