There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
