so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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