WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
