You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
