if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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