sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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