you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
