i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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