his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
