the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
