Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
