At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
