How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize