last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
