Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
